I Know Where I've Been
by MerlinHolmes
Summary: AU in which John talks to Sherlock about the war, i like writing Songfic's and tried to make this one work! Be kind on reviews please
1. Chapter 1

**A/N Hello! This is another fanfic dedicated to my friend Dion, who over the weekend played Motormouth Maybelle and did an amazing job! So I promised I'd write her this fanfic! Enjoy and apologises if it's not good! **

_**There's a cry in the distance, it's a voice that comes deep within**_

It was Johns screams that woke Sherlock. The detective ran into John's room and found him wrapped in a sheet, shaking and crying. Sherlock kneeled in front of him and cupped Johns cheek in his hand

"John, John it was a dream, calm down"

_**There's a cry asking why, and I pray the answer is up ahead **_

John tried to control his breathing but couldn't settle himself, he used his hands, showing Sherlock he couldn't gather the words to speak and then in one gasp he cried, "The screams, they won't stop"

"I know John, I know but it's over, it's stopped, it won't happen anymore"

'_**Cause I know where I've been**_

"Sherlock, it's awful"  
"John you don't have to tell me, not now, you aren't ready"

"It all happened so quickly, it just" John buried his head in Sherlock's shoulder. The detective wrapped his arms around him to try and comfort him

_**There's a road we've been travelin', lost so many on the way**_

"We were on patrol" John whispered,

"Routine check, it was a quiet part and there had never been much problem there. It happened so quickly, they were there one minute and the next, they were gone, all of them, lost so many, so many innocent people"

_**But the riches will be plenty, worth the price we had to pay**_

"We lost all of them for no reason"

"You didn't John, the price is a heavy one but the reward is brilliant, you grant people freedom but to be granted such a thing, won't come easily"

"Will freedom be worth it? I couldn't live with myself knowing that I got my freedom by someone's death"

"But it is better than living in fear"

_**There's a dream in the future, there's a struggle we've yet to win**_

"But there's the dream" Sherlock continued softly, now lying in bed next to the doctor

"The dream that each one of those poor people had, that was a dream of being able to walk down the street without the fear of being attacked or killed"

"We've still to win the war"

"But think of the happiness when we do, the struggle will be over and everything will not have been in vain"

_**And there's pride in my heart, cause I know where I'm going yes**_

Sherlock rested his head on the top of Johns and sighed, closing his eyes

"And yet Sherlock, in all of this, there's pride in my heart"

"Why John?"

"Because I know what I've done and I know that I've helped all I could and I know where I'm going"

_**I know where I've been**_

"You should be proud of that" Sherlock replied kindly

"But the things I've seen, they will stay with me forever won't they?" Sherlock nodded sadly, knowing words couldn't reassure the doctor, knowing where he has been and what he has seen, he knew it'd take a lot to reassure him.


	2. Chapter 2

_**There's a promise we must make **_

A week later, it was John who woke Sherlock from his nightmares. John was lying awake when he heard the first shout, at first he thought he was hearing things, that sometimes happens when you go to war but when he heard the cry that followed he knew that Sherlock was in a disturbed dream. John ran into the detectives room and heard him crying repeatedly

"I promised, I promised"

"Sherlock, Sherlock, look at me" John kneeled down like Sherlock had done before him. Sherlock woke; his blue eyes were crystal, the tears making them shiny

"I made him a promise, and I broke it" John wrapped his arms around Sherlock as the detective had done before

_**But the riches will be plenty **_

John crawled into the bed and wrapped Sherlock in his arms making sure that the detective knew he was safe

"It was a good price for the stash" John knew that he was referring to his drugs

"Many dealers cost a lot; he didn't because he knew how much I wanted to be able to numb my mind but also how I was on a budget"

"Sherlock…"

"You never consider how high the price is for something when you know how rewarding it will be at the end" Sherlock whispered sadly,

"Everything, it all faded and all numbed. I was no longer worried about life, it was plenty to help me, it was plenty but I didn't know when to stop"

_**Worth the risk, and chances we had to take**_

"It was a risk" Sherlock continued

"With Mycroft breathing down my neck, doing drugs was a risk but god John the relief I felt when I got them. Everything dissolved, every worry or fear I had just drifted away like stars in the morning, only returning when it goes dark"

"Sherlock it's ok"

"But it's not John, I over dosed on drugs to stop my mind from annoying me anymore and if I had died, I would have died not knowing you"

"When did you stop?" John asked, not sure wither he wanted to know the answer

"Just after we met, after doing the case with you, I knew we had a friendship and I wasn't prepared to throw that away"

_**Use that pride in our hearts to lift us up, to tomorrow**_

"Knowing you, knowing that there was someone out there who cared, it gave me something that I had lost"

"What?"

"Hope John, it gave me hope again and it helped me get up everything morning and fight the new day"

_**Cause to sit still would be a sin**_

"Ignoring the drugs killed me, both mentally and physically"

"You didn't have to do it alone"

"I didn't, when you went to Dublin or where ever I got Molly Hooper to help me, we came up with ways to distract but to sit and do nothing I knew would rip me apart"

"Of course, but its ok"

"To sit and waste away what we had John would be a sin, to sit and not go on cases with you and not get to know you like I have would never be forgivable"

_**I know where I'm going; Lord knows I know where I've been**_

"Sherlock, I love you, don't ever forget that"

"We can only go one way from here" Sherlock whispered, entwining Johns hand with his own and kissing it

"Forward, we can't go back, too many ghosts"

"Yes, too many ghosts, we need to keep marching forward"

"When you know where you've been, and what you've seen or what you've done, going forward seems like a nice idea"


End file.
